1 - Why are you here?

Why are you here? Go ahead, turn away from the screen, throw your head back, and think about this. Why did you begin reading this; what do you hope to get out of it? If you have any preconceived notions about what you’re about to read, leave this blog and come back with an open mind. But I suppose before I make you answer that question, if even only to yourself, I should do the same.

I was once asked at a job interview where I see myself in five years. I don’t know if this was shtick, or if the guy had simply run out of intelligent-sounding questions to ask, but this question hadn’t fazed me one bit. I knew where I wanted to be in five years. I know where I want to be in 10, in 20, in 30, in 50 years. It is the same place I wanted to be as I was sitting there about to answer the most asinine of interview questions: happy. “If I’m happy here in five years, I’ll stay. If I’m not, I’ll leave,” was my answer. I got the job.

I’m here, writing these words, these wisdoms I gathered in my quest to know myself to help everyone who reads them live a slightly (or greatly) happier life. Perhaps in a bout of insanity, I had convinced myself I discovered the secret to a happier life. And is happiness not our ultimate goal? Let’s pause here.

There will be time to stay on topic, narrow and strict, but this isn’t it. This is where I go on tangents in an effort to make you, my reader, realize the insanity that transpires inside my head which should you chose to understand, will hopefully make your life a little bit easier.

Ask yourself: Am I completely happy now? Few people on this planet can answer this in the affirmative while being true to themselves. I don’t feel I’m going out on too far of a limb when I posit that nearly every single human being would wish to change at least one thing to drive that happiness factor up by a notch. This is normal. This is the reason people to make more money, marry beautiful people and live in big houses. Shallow? Definitely. Unfounded? Certainly not.

Now let’s get back to why I’m here, in your brain, trying to tell you that there’s a better way to live a life, not your life, but A life. Two main reasons: first, we as a society have lost sight of what happiness truly is, and I’m hoping to help you find it; second, we have lost sight of the big picture, and I would like to make an effort to pass along the “what’s the big picture” approach to life. The former is abstract and complicated; it is what this entire blog, with all of its forthcoming entries, is focused on. But the latter is not really that complex.

Here’s a simple example: If I approached a person of the Western world at random and informed the person she had just won $500 million in a lottery drawing, that would make the winner ecstatic. I know it would certainly make me ecstatic. But if we peal back the layers of the onion, we soon discover it’s not the possession of $500 million that makes her happy. It’s paying off her student loans or mortgage and being debt free; or quitting a dead-end job to pursue true passions; or helping out a close friend or family member in need; or being free to donate to a favorite charity. You see my point: money doesn’t make us happy. It’s the experiences we can have because we have it that make us happy.

So here we are. You are where you are in your world. I am where I am. And for whatever reason, I’m putting thoughts in your mind of how great it would be to have $500 million. Wouldn’t it? But why? Remember the preface? Ask yourself, “why?” But forget about the money, that’s not what this is about. I don’t have a get-rich-scheme to pass on. Sorry! Plus, wouldn’t it be dumb of me to assume that people with money are happy just by virtue of having it?

I write all of this for two types of people. First is the person who is unhappy with some aspect of his life. I hope that this person, through reading all of the forthcoming, will at the very least be able to identify a point in space and time where he could be happy and take one step toward that space. 

Secondly I write for the individual generally happy in life, but with a passion for self-inquiry, deeper understanding of self and those around her, and a desire to learn to be 100 percent honest with herself. It isn’t always easy to classify yourself into one or both of these categories. Luckily, that’s partially what the next chapter is all about.

Preface

The idea for this book has been implanted in my head for several years. In fact, if I roam my hard drives long enough, I’ll probably find some outlines, or maybe even a draft of a chapter or two I penned while on a flight from one place or another. Yet, I’ve always managed to get detracted, busy, [insert any common excuse for procrastination], and as a result, all I have to show for a book today is an idea.

So what is the impetus for all these letters on a screen? Two words: Burning Man. In fact, had I completed my manuscript earlier, chances are I’d have to go back and revisit many of its chapters and definitely make a few augmentations. This was my first year at Burning Man. I found it funny that first-timers were called virgins, but after getting back to “default world,” it made perfect sense. That first time is special. There are no preconceived notions (at least none with any bases), no expectations, no potential for disappointment of it being worse than in years prior; nor does your first time sully previous experiences if it is much better.

The point of this book is simple – to help you answer the paramount question in any human interaction: “why?” It goes to the core of our existence, and understanding the answer to that question in any setting will ultimately leave you more enlightened than answering the “what, when, where, who and how,” as those we can usually observe and take note of. It is the “why” which is often hidden, making us wonder about motivations, next steps, ulterior motives and impure agendas.

Understanding of “why” takes time, patience, self-reflection and the highest level of self-awareness — all things that take several years to internalize and grasp firmly. The observations I made at Burning Man about myself and of the event in general will likely influence many chapters of this book, so it only felt appropriate to lead with a few of those to set the tone for what's to come.

Lesson No. 1: “Be yourself; everyone else is taken.” 

This is one of my favorite quotes of all time, and at Burning Man, it is almost like a mandate. In no other place have I seen so many lose their masks and shine their radiant selves than at the Black Rock City gate. 

The preparation for the big event is an overwhelming endeavor, especially, as in my case, with veteran friends sending numerous messages about what “you must have/do/eat/wear/drink/take in forms of medication/avoid.” It’s enough to overwhelm even the most seasoned travelers. This was my lesson number one – take a step back!

Surviving a week in an uninhabitable place wasn’t much of a concern for me. I’ve been through BM prep several times, although only this year decided to make the voyage. Yet the whole wardrobe issue was giving me a headache. I started looking for BM gear, lights, special hats, goggles, boots, shirts, and then put a halt to the entire thing. I asked myself: “If I am going to a place of radical inclusion and self-expression, chances are I don’t need much of anything extra if it is myself I am truly trying to express.” I don’t like costumes; I don’t like looking like a Christmas tree; I don’t like to look like I was dressed by Van Gogh while he was on an acid trip, or worse yet, Dali. If I was going to be myself, most of the things I’d need were probably in my closet. I was right.

How did I come about the abovementioned realization? Simple. I asked myself: Why are you doing this? And the answer of “to look more like everyone else in a place so welcoming to diversity and self-expression” seemed asinine. This was a BM lesson learned before I even packed my suitcase. We often go with the flow without taking the time to stop and ask ourselves "why?"

Lesson No. 2: “We need to start thinking outside the box!” “Does it have to be a box?”

Society has conditioned us. Whether we’d like to believe it or not, we have been conditioned on so many levels that most of our day-to-day task are on autopilot. This became obvious to me in the first hours at Burning Man when I stopped by camps where food was given away for free and drinks poured at the same price. While I knew that was the practice at BM, it did not stop the Pavlovian, internal reflex of  “I have to pay for this.”

In many ways it’s a simple and silly example, but carries with significant implications in the form of a question: Why does it have to be this way? It’s a question we should ask often because when we do, we often discover that we’ve been doing things in ways that are suboptimal, damaging, or plainly wasteful. 

Just because something has been done in the same way for years, generations of even millennia, isn’t in and of itself a good reason to continue. I don’t want to dwell on this concept now, as it will come up in future chapters, but I feel it is important to know that no one is hardly ever chained to a course of conduct, and I’d rather readers start thinking about it sooner than later.

Lesson No. 3: “Timmy, please finish the other half of your sandwich!” “But mom, I already ate the other half!”

Kids are amazing creatures for many reasons, but to me, they are amazing because to them nothing is impossible. As we grow older, our brain transforms from “nothing is impossible” to “this is how it should be” and as a result, we lose sight of perspective that can often guide us to places we’ve never been in our minds.

Keeping an open mind about life is one of the most important and last takeaways from BM I will discuss in this chapter. 

Some of my most fulfilling experiences at Burning Man were through simply saying “yes” and experiencing other human beings for what they are, human. We are much more than our physical appearance: a complex ball of thoughts, emotions, ideas, experiences, preconceived notions, prejudices, fears, anxieties and desires.

Look beyond the obvious, the easy, the clear. Take a step into the unknown, the difficult, the murky. As you wade through the non-obvious parts of life, you will also find most rewarding experiences. There is nothing obvious about Burning Man, which partially why it is such fertile ground for self-discovery.